


Quietly, Silently

by Dance_Elle_Dance



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 11:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4874584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dance_Elle_Dance/pseuds/Dance_Elle_Dance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A voice screams shrilly in her head, "He is not for you!"</p>
<p>Isabelle can't help believing it, but somehow she wants to be able to go against everything she knows for him - for Simon. </p>
<p>(Originally posted on 3/6/11.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quietly, Silently

**Author's Note:**

> Re-post of my first Mortal Instruments fanfiction. Please enjoy!

Isabelle Lightwood normally does things with a bang.

She has never been one for the meek, the timid, the mild. She may seem that way in the presence of certain people, but don't be fooled. That is only a mask, marring her true feelings. When she wants something, she goes for it. Dives in, so to speak. Head first, and damn the consequences.

Somehow, she has reached the "no diving" section of the pool that is her life.

She hates that fact - the fact that where she used to be vivacious and lively has now turned into something dull and hidden. Something that once burned bright has been fading for quite some time now. Isabelle knows that, for sure. She isn't sure if anyone can tell the difference in her demeanor, though. If anyone knows her, they would know enough to realize that something is off. Jace gives her strange looks. Alec touches her hand with a glance of sympathy. These are things that should be comforting, but to her, they only intensify the feeling of being so small, pitiful.

Like it has been said, Isabelle does things with a bang - a loud, clanging, boistrous bang. Something that no one can ignore. And, for a while, the person who couldn't ignore her was Simon.

However, now that he has that pretty little werewolf on his arm, he seems to be doing just fine.

Isabelle has been complimented on her looks since she was little, even though she was always slightly self-conscious about her height (don't tell anyone that or she'll hit you). She was the pretty one, but also the deadly one. The one with the killer smile and the killer moves to back it up. But ever since the new stream of girls making their way into the Shadowhunter's life, she seems to be feeling less and less herself. Clary, with her petite, short, girly frame, falling out of nowhere and capturing Jace by storm. And now, Maia...

Of course there's Maia.

The slight _clip, clip_ of her boots is the only sound in the quiet night. There is no talking, only glances between the other couples.

It is one of those strange nights - the nights of peace. An odd feeling always encompasses her during these outings, though there are few and far between. Every now and then, they'd all just take a night off and just...hang out. This night, they had gone to a movie. It was one of those vapid, shallow romantic-comedies. Pretty girl meets pretty guy, they later become pretty couple and have pretty sex.

It made Isabelle sick to her stomach.

But that wasn't the worst thing about this night.

The couples...

Jace and Clary. Alec and Magnus. And...Simon and Maia.

Isabelle and...no one.

It seems that this was the way things were supposed to be. Each of her friends had that one person that they could never be separated from, no matter what, while Isabelle was consistently flighty, never seeming to find that one person. She had even considered calling Meliorn, but went against it. That wouldn't have been wise, no matter how she looked at it. Especially when she knew she could never feel the way about him like Alec felt for Magnus, or Jace for Clary.

So, here she was, seventh wheel on a clearly six wheeled machine.

It wasn't as if she were jealous of Jace and Clary - she was happy for them. And no one could ever doubt her happiness for Alec and Magnus. But she couldn't help but feel the green eyed beast emerge when she looked at Maia.

She wasn't sure what Simon and Maia felt for each other, but she knew it was something intense. She knew it was something more than what Simon had felt for her - because really, if he felt something stronger for her than what he had with Maia, wouldn't he have chosen her instead?

Isabelle felt her temples throb - this wasn't the best line of thinking to be aware of this night. Or any night, really.

She groans and keeps walking, calmed by the constant clicking of her boot heels against the pavement.

The dark haired Shadowhunter chose to keep close to the back of the group, offering a snide comment or flirty insult every now and then. At least this way, none of her peers could see her face during this. They wouldn't like what they see.

Her whip is coiled in a loop of fine gold around the loop of her pants, just in case. Any responsible Shadowhunter would do the same - not go anywhere without some mode of protection. Her stele is in her pocket, and the weight feels reassuring, like she can handle anything that comes her way.

Her eyes land on the intertwined hands of Simon and Maia and she feels like that may be less than true.

She feels her eyes narrow, out of what she isn't sure. Isabelle might be superficial when it comes to appearances, but that doesn't mean she is as shallow as they come. Jace and Alec can attest to that.

There is a slight madness there, and she wants to be able to hit something, anything. She settles for clenching her fist so tightly that her nails bury themselves in her palms, leaving bloody little crescents there.

"What do you think, Isabelle?"

Ebony strands of hair are blown in her face by the oncoming wind. She reaches out a pale hand and brushes them away. "What?"

"Of the movie," Alec says pleasantly.

"Eh," she replies with a shrug. "Not my type of thing."

Jace turns around and smiles at her. "I was surprised you didn't put up a fight when we went to go see that."

Isabelle smirks at him. "Same for you."

The golden haired Shadowhunter reaches back and ruffles her hair in a show of brotherly affection. She smacks his hand away lightly and gives him a playful glare. Clary giggles at the scene from her position, tucked safely into his side.

Simon turns around and looks at her, his dark eyes flashing with kindness. The only thing that look does for Isabelle is cause her heart to stutter around in her chest, almost as if she were some pathetic mundane. She hates that feeling more than anything else - being powerless to stop her emotions. Powerless to stop whatever it was that she felt for the vampire.

She gazes at him for a brief moment, trying to remove whatever she feels for him, with limited success.

Simon gives her a small smile before Maia says something that grasps his attention and he turns back to her. Isabelle feels the feeling in her chest expand, as if it's trying to spread through her entire body. Trying to make it explode as if it were made of nothing but fragile glass.

Her eyes linger a bit longer than they should on the figure of the immortal as they keep walking, and she realizes this too late. Isabelle didn't realize that she had stopped walking until she feels a familiar grip firm on her hand.

"Izzy, you okay?" Alec is looking at her with those blue, blue eyes, and she can't help but want to voice everything - tell him everything that she has been feeling, like when they were children. Like they still do now. But she can't bring herself to do something like that, unfortunately. A part of her doesn't want to ruin Alec's time tonight. Doesn't want to burden him.

"I'm fine," she says resolutely.

Alec's glance at her proves that he doesn't believe her, but he won't push the subject. Pushing the subject with Isabelle always meant pushing her away. Either that or incurring her anger. He only smiles and strokes her hair, giving her a kind glance before turning back to Magnus.

_"I'm fine."_

The words echo in her head, ringing harshly with their falsity.

She casts her gaze on Simon and Maia yet again, and thinking morbidly that this must be a new hobby of hers. She feels much smaller than usual, feels less herself that she has been in a while and wonders why it was this guy that does this to her and not anyone else. Just Simon, only Simon.

As her mind drifts, she gets into a place where she can imagine the two of them together. It is a dangerous place, that place of hope, and she does not like to venture there often.

Suddenly, a voice screams shrilly in her head, _"He is not for you!"_

That voice alone is enough to bring her out of the dregs of her mind. Though the voice is completely rational - and sounds oddly like _herself_ \- Isabelle can't help believing it, but somehow she wants to be able to go against everything she knows for him - for Simon.

She sighs and forces her gaze away from the couple in front of her, forces her feet to propel herself forward, forces a smile to her face whenever someone makes a joke.

However, the one thing that Isabelle can't force herself to do is forget him.


End file.
